One Part Inspiration...

A Letter to My Children: I have a confession:  Your mother has a secret life. And, so does every other mother on the planet.  There was the mom that you saw.  Then there was me - who was  (and still is) essentially, just a girl in adult-sized skin trying to navigate the waters of motherhood as best as she could. You saw a mom who insisted on following rules; who gave consequences if you disobeyed. You didn't know that I second-guessed myself a lot - it was a constant battle to decide if the consequences were fair, and consistent, or if I was just being ridiculously stringent. [Or worse: if I was being totally erratic.] You saw a mom who took life very seriously.   You didn't know that I felt a huge responsibility for bringing you up right.  You didn't know the nights I cried myself to sleep; the weight of raising you to be a decent, loving, respectful, law-abiding citizen, heavy upon my heart. Y ou saw a mom who insisted that you obey authority a...

When the Israelites crossed the Jordan River, they were instructed to take " twelve stones  from the middle of the Jordan,  according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites... [carry] them over with them to their camp, where they [would] put them down." [Joshua 4:2-9]   The purpose of this exercise was to have a visible reminder of where they had come from, who had led them, and who would still be with them in the land in which they were arriving. In my life, I have always believed in finding ways to mark events.  It's a way of following the Israelite example of taking a stone from the river to mark a significant passage of time, or a lesson I have been learning.    For instance, I had for many years, a wooden cottage that lit up from the inside.  I bought it at a time when our family was going through some very deep waters and I wanted a visual to remind me to HOPE in God.  Another time, I bought a special clock to mark the 15th an...

Earth Day is also my Mom's birthday.  It's a bitter-sweet earthly reminder to me of all that my mom embodied.  She would not have called herself an environmentalist, but she did everything an environmentalist would approve of:  recycling everything from cards, to wrapping paper, to cans and plastic containers; being careful of how much water she used - [even when she had an automatic washer, she defaulted to use a wringer washer so she could re-use the water for multiple loads] buying second-hand items which served the purpose just as well as brand-new items; re-doing flower arrangements which she received, as many times as the flowers would survive; turning off lights. She wouldn't throw out her coffee - just kept reheating it and drinking a few more sips in between errands and household chores.  She rode a bicycle, or walked rather than driving a car.  (this last one was a bit of a cop-out since she took many years to get up the courage to learn how to dr...

When one is going to ask a lady to a banquet, one should stand out from one`s peers in the gift he gives.  That`s what I thought anyways, so I bought this rainbow rose, to help him be a cut above the others with dates to said banquet. Here is a better picture of the colours in it.  Aren`t they gorgeous!   I should have ordered one for myself and signed the card from him.  Then he would have scored extra points with his mom.  Especially the sentiments in the card.  They would have made me tear up with how thoughtful he was. `It`s hard to say In words today, Just what you mean to me.......

Today, after the soccer game, where my #2 son was playing in a district final, my husband and I took a trip down (his) memory lane.  The soccer game happened to be in the area where my husband grew up.  His elementary years were spent there.  Instead of driving directly home, we took the roundabout route. First, we drove by the house where he lived.  Apparently, it looked very similar to when he and his family lived there.  He reminisced about which neighbours gave the best candy at Halloween and how his mom made him give up the pillow full of candy so she could re-gift it to the other neighbour kids who were trick-or-treating there.  He slowed down beside the house where they gave out pop.  We had a minute of silence for their generosity, which forever imprinted him with what is the proper stash to have beside the door when the doorbell rings on October 31. Next, we dropped by the entrance to the park where he got in big...

This is a little belated, but it was still delightful.  For Mother's Day, my daughter cooked up this gift.  On the card, she said she had found all the sleep I had lost over the years.  And it was in this jar.  Every single item in the jar (most of them looked like Scrabble pieces) was labelled with a "Z".  I loved it! But I am still tired.

I didn't realize it when I started, but being a mother means belonging to a series of clubs.  Some of these are formally organized; others are ad hoc. Membership is mandatory, but there are no life-time affiliates.  Mothers move through the clubs in parallel motion to their childrens' development.  Once they have left one club, they are no longer invited to be in the previous ones.  It is a harsh reality.   The first one is called " Mother of Infants and Babies ". This club is filled with bleary-eyed women, who compare notes on sleeping (or not) patterns, teething, potty training, and feeding schedules.  There is a fair amount of competition in this club.  When other members casually mention that their child slept through the night at 3 days, and was potty trained by ten months, it is easy to feel sub-standard.  This results in a mad scramble around in a now-mushy brain [beca...

The year our girls turned 10, my sister and I took them away for a weekend. It was part of our decision to be intentional parents.  My sister had already forged the path, by doing something similar for her son.  The idea was, that at 10, the girls were on the cusp of adolescence, and if they had some information about what lay ahead, it might help them navigate the waters of teenage years. So we rented a cabin on the lake, and  listened to tapes on "Preparing for Adolescence" by Dr. James Dobson.  In between, we went shopping, got new haircuts,  and took them to get their ears pierced.  One night we got all dressed up and went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant.  This year, they celebrate their 21st birthdays.  So my sister and I decided it might be a nice idea to take them away again for a girl's weekend.  When we broached the subject, my daughter's first question was "Are we going to have ...

This card is from my daughter.  I found it tonight when I was looking through a few things.  I treasure it.  As I look back on the years of mothering, there are many precious moments that I treasure.  Some were touching; others were laugh-out-loud moments. My Daughter:    There was the moment when I was dissolving in a puddle of tears over the death of my mother-in-law.  My three year old took my face in her hands and said " Now, look at me.  Tell me.  What's the problem?"   I don't think she had any idea what a comfort she was to me in that moment.  Exercising with me, and the lady on the video said " Tighten your buttocks and pull your pelvic bones in ", and she commented in a bored voice " Lady, we already know that ." Asks her brother if he thinks he looks cool with his hair brushed like that?  " Well guess what - even though you don't look cool, God loves you." When she heard "He's Got The Whole World In H...

I freely admit that as soon as someone mentions Mother's Day, my heart sinks a little.  This is the one day when all that I have stuffed in my 'Being a Mother' drawer  comes flying out and gets dumped on the floor.  The whole day (and days leading up to it) becomes a series of self-examination and self-recrimination.  "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda" piles are everywhere.  The pastor trots out Proverbs 31 and holds up the mirror of that impossible standard to me, and I stare at my reflection, knowing that I fall so terribly short of all that is good and beautiful in a mother. The worst verse is 28. " Her children arise and call her blessed ".  What mother doesn't want that?  But also, what mother doesn't know that in the meantime, her children call her a lot more things than blessed.  And not always in a good way. When I dreamt about being a mother, I saw myself as a calm, cool guide who would steer her children through life, all the while flo...

Baby shoes are so scrumptious.  A friend of mine had a baby not too long ago, and I was invited to the shower.  It's been a long time since there was a baby in our house, and it was so much fun looking around at all the cool, new contraptions they have to take care of little ones now.  As soon as I saw these shoes, I knew they were the right decision.  They are probably completely impractical.  Chances are they won't stay on the child's feet, but come on!  Plaid!  TOO cute!!!  Of course, you can't buy shoes without having an outfit, so I had more fun picking out a little tiny pair of shorts and a top to go with it.  But really, it was all about the shoes baby. I brought the shoes into the house so they wouldn't get cold.  I put them on my table and looked at them all week.  I imagined the little guy taking his first steps in the shoes.  Wobbly.  Knees buckling, and then locking, to keep balance.  Scrump...

My #1 son came home for a visit! (Insert happy dance). He arrived last Thursday night, after travelling for almost 24 hours. He is taller, and thinner and more like himself - only in a more grown-up, independent way. He's been gone for seven long months. Christmas was a little strange this year because he wasn't with us. He sort of fills up the room with his running commentary on every little thing. And I missed him so dearly. Getting through Christmas was helped because I knew that three weeks later, we could steal some time away with him, before he has to return to his new life. I drove to the airport. But first we had to stop by the soccer practice to let my husband know that as soon as we picked the boy/man up, we were going to DQ to celebrate with an ice cream. He promised to join us. [Ice cream is such a nice way to celebrate don't you think?] We arrived at the airport on time (because I had tracked the flights - another reason I love the Internet) to pick him up...

I am not really a fan of Mother's Day. I find it very stressful. This is a day which is supposed to be about celebrating women and enjoying family. However, I find it creates a perfect storm within me. It always has the sting of missing my own mother and the pang of knowing I am not being the mother I should be. However, it comes around once a year whether I'm ready or not. So this year, I came armed with a little idea about how I would enjoy the day. First of all, I started a few days before, by buying some lavender bath sachets I'd made with a few of my groups. I had fun giving them to some special women in my life. To each of them, I said a personal thanks for what they meant to me. On Mother's Day, I asked myself out on a date. I was pleased to be asked, and I said " Yes of course ". I went and got one of these, and then took myself to a local park. I walked for a little bit and then sat and watched the happenings on the lake. There were fishe...

Mothers have all sorts of " Momisms ". My own mother would wander around some days muttering " Oh that I had wings of a dove, then would I fly away and be at rest ." Other days, she would say " Give me the tools and I'll do the job ". I suppose you would have to ask my kids about my " Momisms ". One particular one comes to mind, at the moment. One day, I got tired of hearing whining. As kids do, mine were whining about " That's not fair ", and " How come he gets....and I don't ?" and " That's not fair " again. After one more bout of " How come he gets..... and I don't ", I snapped " Because I love him more than I love you. " The look on the face of the whining child was incredulous. Did their mom really admit this out loud? She actually had a favorite? And it wasn't the whining one? Guilt poured through my soul, and I assured the whiner that this was not true, but...

Shall we talk about a subject which mothers know a lot about, but no one will admit to? One that inspires much guilt, but is justified with a shrug of "it had to be done."? I think you all know what I'm talking about. School projects. Mothers have generally been through school themselves. Yet, when it comes to their children, there is an irresistible tug to ensure their little darlings graduate from kindergarten/grade one/grade twelve/with their projects complete. It starts innocently enough... Johnny is a little behind because he was sick with 'that flu' and so his 2 page report on the island of Tristan da Cuhna is sitting on the kitchen table, with only the title page started. Mom looks at it and wonders where in the world Tristan da Cuhna is. So she sits down and Googles it. Very quickly she finds it on the world map (although no one else could, since it lies midway between Cape Town, South Africa and Buenos Aires, Argentina and is the most remote primar...

Since this is the week before Mother's Day, I thought I'd have some fun and talk about mothers. It is a topic on which I should be an expert, having been a mother for almost two decades. However, I still learn things every day about mothering. In honor of twenty years of personal experience, I am going to list twenty things about mothering. I make no promises about which are original and which are blatantly plagiarized. 20. Mothers' emotions range. One minute, they want to kill their kids for bad behavior in the grocery store. The next, they want to kill the 'nosy' shopper who makes some off hand comment about how badly behaved those kids are. 19. Mothers underestimate how uncanny their children's sense of observation is. ("Mom, you said that lady was cranky. But she's not, really.") 18. Mom's interests change as their children grow. I never listened to hockey games before I had kids. 17. Moms are imperfect. So are children. That...

When I was small, I imagined what my life would be. Like Cinderella I wanted to marry a prince. But I was far too realistic to imagine that I would live 'happily ever after'. I did read lots of books though, and from them gleaned many ideas about how I would live life in that long awaited time when I would be a grown up. For instance, I read "Little Women". The mother in that book was the type of person I wanted to be. She served her community. She loved God. She loved her girls. She was strict, but not unfair. She seemed to have the wisdom to help her girls at just the right time. When her girls got into scrapes, she knew what to say and how to say it, so they would find the solutions for their problems. The girls would go to her for this wisdom, or she would come to them. She spent many a time sitting at the side of their beds, her cool hand on their foreheads, admonishing them, encouraging them, caring for them, until they found their way again. As I hav...

Sometimes a mom realizes she is being outvoted. This happens at the age when the kids are taller than she is. Their voices are deeper. They sprawl about the kitchen like overgrown vines. They are still in the nest, but not under her wing. They give eye contact when she talks, but their ears are tuned to a different channel. It happened to my Mom. It was funny. Then. Mom would make motherly suggestion, and we would look at each other, take a silent vote, and the majority (us, not her) ruled. For instance, she would broach the subject of what everyone was going to spend on each other for Christmas. We would hear her voice, but were tuned to "Let's Mock Mother" channel. Mom was outvoted. "T he budget for Christmas this year? For everyone else, it's 20$ , but my present could be anywhere upwards of 500$. " Ha. Ha. Ha. We were sooooo funny. And if there were other siblings present, we would have a contest to see who could carry the joke the farthes...