M.O.T.H.E.R. #1

Since this is the week before Mother's Day, I thought I'd have some fun and talk about mothers. It is a topic on which I should be an expert, having been a mother for almost two decades. However, I still learn things every day about mothering. In honor of twenty years of personal experience, I am going to list twenty things about mothering. I make no promises about which are original and which are blatantly plagiarized.

20. Mothers' emotions range. One minute, they want to kill their kids for bad behavior in the grocery store. The next, they want to kill the 'nosy' shopper who makes some off hand comment about how badly behaved those kids are.

19. Mothers underestimate how uncanny their children's sense of observation is. ("Mom, you said that lady was cranky. But she's not, really.")

18. Mom's interests change as their children grow. I never listened to hockey games before I had kids.

17. Moms are imperfect. So are children. That's why it's called "KODAK MOMENTS".

16. Guilt comes with the territory. Every day. Sometimes this is because a mom should feel guilty (ignoring the child crying, and then going in to find their foot is stuck in the crib). Sometimes, it's because moms wear guilt like a fur coat. (Trust me. It's not going to kill them to take the bus home, if they didn't bother to inform you that they needed a ride. Take that fur coat off.)

15. Moms get to try out all kinds of ideas. Some are good. (Getting the kids to make homemade gifts for adopted grampas and grammas). Some are bad. (Leaving the oldest 'in charge' when stepping out for groceries). Some could use some work. (Making a family magazine with everyone required to submit articles and pictures for it)

14. Moms are allowed to hide the good chocolate and other treats. This makes laundry and washing behind the toilet just a little more bearable.

13. Moms like flowers. And jewelry. And new clothes. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

12. It's an unfortunate fact of life that, before "they rise up and call you blessed", they'll rise up and call you a few other things first.

11. Moms are the ultimate multi-tasker. (Just a minute darling, let me finish this post, and check my account balance, and I will help you read the recipe for "Peach Mousse").

10. Moms are multi-taskers, but no mother I know is an expert in everything, although we try to fake it as best as we can.

9. Moms have eyes in the back of their head. (This was written for my children, in case they are reading this).

8. There's nothing a mother likes more than a few minutes to herself.

7. Mothers end up sounding like their own mothers, despite their best efforts, and to their great chagrin.

6. Children end up sounding like their mothers, despite their best efforts, and to their great chagrin.

5. Mothers are really good at sighing. Sometimes this is because they can't find the scissors. Sometimes this is because the dishes are still on the table. Sometimes, this is because they just can't help but feel weary.

4. Mothers never get enough of "Guess what Mom? " "I love you".

3. The three wishes of mothers are: 1. That the kids turn out well. 2. That the kids will have short memories about all the ways their mother failed. 3. That someone will return her razor. In the same condition they found it. No questions asked.

2. Mothers are quick learners. This does not mean they want to mow the lawn every week. Despite how much fun it looks to use it.

1. No matter what happens today, tomorrow is another day.