Swimming Upstream
What are the answers to re-building relationship in a technological society? I think the answers lie in the decisions we as individuals must make. We must make deliberate efforts not to default to technological means such as texting and messaging as our only means of connection.
In 2013, I decided that I would make an effort to send actual snail mail letters to people. I set no boundaries for myself. I did not limit nor did I consign myself to an impossible objective. I simply committed to writing a letter to someone, or send them a card, as I thought about them. In anticipation of this goal, I bought some note cards and put them in a convenient place as well as a pile of stamps which I stored in my wallet. Over the year, I sent out letters and cards to a variety of people: relatives, friends, people who had come to mean a lot to me, someone who came to mind when I knew they were celebrating something special, or going through something difficult.
It turned out to be one of the best goals I have ever set. I gained so much more than I gave. I felt like a Secret Santa most of the year. I cannot even remember who all got those letters and cards. I only know that I got a little shot of the feel-goods [dopamine, endorphins, or serotonin?] each time I opened the post box and put a missive inside to be mailed.
It seems so simple and a little silly to say, but another way to connect with people is to pick up the phone - something that has become a rarity. In an unofficial study I have conducted for the past 4 or 5 years, the home phone no longer rings so much for personal calls, as it does for large companies trying to track us down or solicit business.
I remember a time, not so long ago, that friends [who live in the same town as I do] and I would call each other several times a week to check in. We sometimes solved the world's problems, but more often than not, we shared the daily-ness of life with each other - what we were making for supper, how much hamburger cost, how much homework the kids had that we were helping with. Now, these same people and I just see each other in person occasionally, and our visits are arranged by email. Here's a surprise for all of us in 2015: Phone calls do the same job and can actually be more effective than hitting 'Reply".
Case in point: Not too long ago, I got an email from my sister who shared that a dear friend of theirs had passed away. I pressed "Reply" and then thought better of it. Instead, I dialed her number and told her how sorry I was for her loss. We ended up having a conversation for about 1/2 hour. It was much more enriching to me, and gave me a better opportunity to hear more about her experience in this loss than if I had just 'shot her an email'. [ Not only that, but our conversation migrated into other topics - for instance, she gave me some advice about some indoor plants that I was hoping to nurture into growth.]
For 2015, I am setting myself a goal based on the Mike and the Mechanics song The Living Years [if you are interested you can watch the video by clicking the link]. The lyric actually is "Say it loud", but I am changing it for myself to "Say it Now". I have no parameters as to modality - it may be email, letter, card, phone call, or in person. I simply want to keep this idea of connection in the forefront of my daily operations.
At funerals we hear tributes which give credit to the person who died for what they contributed to lives around them. I want to say it now to people, so they know 'in the living years' what they mean to me, how they inspire me, how their leadership informs my practice. I hope that by the end of the year, I will have taken many opportunities to encourage, reassure, embolden, support, reinforce. and spur on others around me in their journey throughout this year. I believe this goal will nourish my soul too. After all, Proverbs 11:25 says "A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."
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