Legacy

It is very hard to be physically far away when significant events are happening in the family. As I write this post, many of my relatives are attending the funeral of my aunt.  Last week, I got word that she 'didn't have much time'.  Saturday, the word came that she had 'graduated to heaven' (a term a friend of mine uses).  She has been such a special aunt in every way, and I wished so much that I could hop on a plane and surround myself with all who knew and loved her.  Time, money, and practicality would not allow it.  But I have been deep in thought and reflection of all that my aunt meant to me and many others.  I wrote a tribute to her, and I am sharing some of it here - for you who did not know her, but would have loved her, if you'd met her.

 

When we came back from Ethiopia, our family went through a lot of turmoil.  My aunt, who is three years younger than my mom,  came down for several weeks, to help take care of me and my sister, so my mom could be freed up to care for more urgent matters.  My sister was ten, and I was eight at the time. I remember a lot of shopping trips.  For two little girls who had only seen African markets, this was quite the experience.  Ever after that, it was a connection point with us when we would see her.  She got a great kick out of us telling her what great bargains we had scored on our shopping sprees.

My aunt was a hairdresser by trade.  I spent a lot of time in her shop, watching her do hair.  She let me straighten out her perm papers so she could use them again.  There was one lady who worked at a grocery store.  She had a bouffant hairdo, and she came every week to get her hair done.  I thought that was very decadent.  But I think this lady came just as much for the visit as for the hairdo.  My aunt was somewhat like a bartender, with a pair of scissors and perm rods. Customers told her things while sitting in her chair, that might set another’s teeth on edge.  But she kept their information (and hair colour number) in strictest confidence.  I remember her saying a lot of “Is that right?!!!” and “Isn’t that the limit?!”.  She would stop and look at the customer in the mirror,  her comb and scissors in mid-air, and would sort of drag out the “Isn’t” and “that” for emphasis.  Her skills with hairdressing tools,  knack for listening, and gift of sound counsel, combined to make the customers feel like a million bucks by the time they left her shop.

One summer, when I was about twelve,  I came to visit my far-away relatives.  The visit was combined with a purpose.   My brother had been contracted to spruce it up the house my parents owned, with a view to selling it by fall.  He sub-contracted some of the painting to me.  My aunt came and helped me. I don't know if she had been put up to it, or if she came on her own accord.  At the time I wouldn't have known the difference.

At any rate, we had a good time.  We joked about starting our own painting company; often stopping to admire our work.  My brother had told me he would evaluate my work for it’s merits when I was done, to determine how much money he would pay me.  I have a recollection that my aunt lobbied for me to get a better wage from him, even though it was my first painting job.

My aunt always took a great interest in anything that we did.  Whenever I would call, she would exclaim “Well MARNI!! How are ya?!” as if I were royalty.  We would settle in for a virtual cup of tea, and she would ask about the kids, and laugh with me about their antics.  She would catch me up with some of the news of the aunts and uncles and cousins by the dozens.  And generally, the conversation would meander around to some dilemmas I was facing, and she would offer insights about how to solve them.  And before I hung up, she always assured me that she loved me and I would say “Wish I was there to give you a hug”.

When I was little, I secretly believed that of all her nieces and nephews, she loved me best.  As a grown-up I now know that she left a legacy of love to all she met – friends, family, neighbours and customers – she just had a knack of making everyone feel like a very important person.    I am sure that as she passed through the portal from this life into heaven, she was ushered into the V.I.P. lounge where she received a “Well Done, Good and Faithful servant” from the God she loved and served while here on earth.