Dilemma

Ah yes. The eternal internal argument. I feel lousy. Should I stay home tomorrow, or go to work? How bad does one have to feel before it is o.k. to decide the night before, that work is not an option for the next day. The problem that arises is,that if I don't go to my job where I get sick benefits, I can't really show up at the other ones where I don't get sick benefits. It's not "Kosher" in my vocabulary. So far this week, I have cancelled three of those jobs. It's a costly decision - not that I have to give the money back, but at the end of the month, that's money that won't come in.

I have been trying to circumvent the symptoms - downing hot lemon and honey, like I have stocks in the company and been sucking on Strepsils like they are candy. This has resulted in a throat that is less sore, but still scratchy. One moment, I feel like "Hey, I think I'm on the upward swing". The next, my husband is elbowing me in the ribs to jostle me awake from my snoring (which I never do unless I can't breed true my node).

I haven't gotten bored yet, which is usually a sign to me that I am well enough to go back to work. I have been watching a lot of home decorating shows. They are beginning to look alike, but not to the point where I can't stand them anymore.

The worst part of it is that I usually wait until the early hours of the morning to decide what I should do. That means, that for the rest of the night, when I should be in REM, I am half awake, trying to assess my situation. "I can brea..the..nope...only on one side...hang on a second...yep, only on one side..."

Some days I wish my mom was around so she could call in for me. Somehow, when a mom calls in, it seems more legitimate. When I call in, it feels to me like they think I am faking it. "Oh sure, you're 'sick'. Oh, yeah, I totally get it. 'SICK'."

Another problem for me is that I do a fair bit of singing in my job(s). This takes a lot of energy and requires that my throat is in good enough shape to not crackle every two notes. "You are my SuNshinE (cough cough cough)....why don't you carry on (cough cough) and I'll lipsynch". So when I have to decide how sick I am, this is a factor for me. I may have the energy to do the work, but not the voice to sing the songs.

I usually say to anyone who will listen that if I haven't started feeling better after a few days, it's because I haven't got enough sympathy. Maybe writing this post will propel me towards recovery in time for the morning. Of course that depends on how many of my faithful 6 cyber readers look at this post and send me the love. Do it before 3 a.m. so I can get some sleep and work up my energy to show up ready to do my job o.k?