SCHOOL DAyze

It's the first day of school. All summer, I refused to think too much about it. I lived in the moment, reticient to admit that school would ever begin again. Well, it has and of course, it has set me off on a million different pathways of memories of getting the kids off to school.

When a good friend and I each were holding our firstborns, we looked at each other one day, and said "It's only five years before they begin school." In those days, five years seemed like a very long time. And yet, the years went screaming by and suddenly, it was time to start their formal education.

The first day my daughter went to kindergarten was chaotic. The night before, we had welcomed my oldest sister for a visit with us. I had a four-month old baby, and my other child was three. My husband took my daughter to school. I hardly had time to take a picture of her on this momentous occasion, before she was whisked away. Somehow, I had thought I'd be able to take in the moment and cement the memory into my mother's heart, but it just didn't happen. There were diapers to change, breakfast to clean up, and Lego to step on.

While I was dealing with all these, my sister-in-law called to check in. She hardly had time to say hello, before I burst into tears. I told her I felt like I had missed something by not marking the occasion somehow. My sister-in-law listened to me compassionately. Eventually, I calmed down enough to take care of the diapers, load the dishwasher, and pick up the Lego.

Then my daughter arrived back with her dad. And I burst into tears again. She let me hug her and said "Mommy, what is wrong?" "I missed you so much. " I said through my tears. "But Mommy, I was only gone for an hour!" she said sensibly.

Every year since, I have had a little pit in my stomach on the first day of school. Perhaps it's because there's a gearing up of so many parts of life when school begins. It's like a giant machine is roaring to life. The gears groan and complain because the oil of routine hasn't warmed them up again. Or maybe, it's because I'm really just a big marshmallow (hard and crusty on the outside, but soft and gooey on the inside). The kids being away from home, even though it's for part of a day, wrenches at me. The reality of no more summer days hits me like a giant wave.

Today, it happened again. I only had one child to get to school. I wanted to make sure my now- Grade Ten son got to school early, because he had to make some course changes and it was important to beat the rush. We beat the rush all right. We arrived a whole hour early. But the good news was that we were able to touch base with the right teacher about the schedule, and it will all be solved before the end of home room.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to curl up in a little ball and let the wave of "School Dayze" wash over me, while I have a good cry. Then I will go and pick him up again. School only runs for a couple hours on the first day back.