Sisterhood of the Family Pants
Some things I say make no sense to my husband. This is a complete mystery to me. I can use the same words with my girlfriends and they won't even bat an eye. They just get it. But when I say it to him, he just looks at me as if I "no speakah da Eengleesh". For an example of this, I give you exhibit "A". It happened last night....
We have a family event this afternoon. I should further explain, it is extended family event. This part of the extended family doesn't get together very often. So it is difficult to remember protocols for things like: "Should I bring a dessert? or an appetizer...even though I've been told not to worry about bringing either. . " or "Should I bring a card for the host? ...or one for each of the aunts?" .... or even more important "What's everyone wearing? I certainly don't want to be the only one in casual dress if everyone else is dressed to the nines."
There are no such thing as a manual called "The Extended Family For Dummies". This is done on purpose. Watching those who don't know the ropes (me) trip over themselves, as they plow into territory of which they have no clue, provides great entertainment.
If such a handbook existed, I would lovingly dust it off and study it before events where I have to be with the kinfolk. I would edgymacate myself over the small (but significant) details such as which historical event changed the face of the family gathering, so that certain people now always must eat with the children, while the others' eat in the formal dining room. Then I wouldn't have to worry about sticking my foot in my mouth by inviting them into the formal dining room to eat, while the rest of the family looks on in horror.
I do take every opportunity to try and suss out these details before hand...because I certainly have had my share of faux pas in the extended family events. I want very much not to have to go through too much more humiliation.
So yesterday, I happened to meet one of the cousins. She is one of the relatives who is in 'the know'. I thought I'd be smart to find out what she was wearing. Then I could make a more informed decision. She said she didn't have a dress, so she was wearing dress pants and a nice top. This made me feel better because although I have a skirt and nice top I could wear, the thought of pantyhose makes me itchy all over. And I wasn't looking forward to attempting to discreetly adjust said clothing, while being careful not to take too much liver pate on my cracker at the appy table which Aunt Thingy watches over.
After this conversation, I bid farewell to the cousin, and then announced the good news to my to my husband. ( To be fair, I have to tell you he was not aware I had been having a conversation with her.) I told him simply: "Susie is wearing pants".
For some reason, he didn't get all the nuances of that statement.
He just repeated it very slowly.
"S.u.s.i.e. i.s. w.e.a.r.i.n.g p....a.n....t...s....".
Then, "Well, that's just grand.".
Then, "Why did I need to know that?"
I didn't try to explain it. What was the point?
Later that evening, I thought I'd touch base with my mother-in-law, who shares the same concerns as I do about stepping on the wrong toes. I phoned her on my cell phone, when my husband and I were out picking up ingredients for the dessert I will be bringing to this affair. My M.I.L. didn't pick up the call, and it went to her machine. I started to leave the message "Susie's wearing pants". I knew she would know why I would be saying it. But suddenly, I heard it from his perspective. And I started laughing so hard I couldn't even talk.
Aren't we all glad that Susie is wearing pants???! I know I am.
We have a family event this afternoon. I should further explain, it is extended family event. This part of the extended family doesn't get together very often. So it is difficult to remember protocols for things like: "Should I bring a dessert? or an appetizer...even though I've been told not to worry about bringing either. . " or "Should I bring a card for the host? ...or one for each of the aunts?" .... or even more important "What's everyone wearing? I certainly don't want to be the only one in casual dress if everyone else is dressed to the nines."
There are no such thing as a manual called "The Extended Family For Dummies". This is done on purpose. Watching those who don't know the ropes (me) trip over themselves, as they plow into territory of which they have no clue, provides great entertainment.
If such a handbook existed, I would lovingly dust it off and study it before events where I have to be with the kinfolk. I would edgymacate myself over the small (but significant) details such as which historical event changed the face of the family gathering, so that certain people now always must eat with the children, while the others' eat in the formal dining room. Then I wouldn't have to worry about sticking my foot in my mouth by inviting them into the formal dining room to eat, while the rest of the family looks on in horror.
I do take every opportunity to try and suss out these details before hand...because I certainly have had my share of faux pas in the extended family events. I want very much not to have to go through too much more humiliation.
So yesterday, I happened to meet one of the cousins. She is one of the relatives who is in 'the know'. I thought I'd be smart to find out what she was wearing. Then I could make a more informed decision. She said she didn't have a dress, so she was wearing dress pants and a nice top. This made me feel better because although I have a skirt and nice top I could wear, the thought of pantyhose makes me itchy all over. And I wasn't looking forward to attempting to discreetly adjust said clothing, while being careful not to take too much liver pate on my cracker at the appy table which Aunt Thingy watches over.
After this conversation, I bid farewell to the cousin, and then announced the good news to my to my husband. ( To be fair, I have to tell you he was not aware I had been having a conversation with her.) I told him simply: "Susie is wearing pants".
For some reason, he didn't get all the nuances of that statement.
He just repeated it very slowly.
"S.u.s.i.e. i.s. w.e.a.r.i.n.g p....a.n....t...s....".
Then, "Well, that's just grand.".
Then, "Why did I need to know that?"
I didn't try to explain it. What was the point?
Later that evening, I thought I'd touch base with my mother-in-law, who shares the same concerns as I do about stepping on the wrong toes. I phoned her on my cell phone, when my husband and I were out picking up ingredients for the dessert I will be bringing to this affair. My M.I.L. didn't pick up the call, and it went to her machine. I started to leave the message "Susie's wearing pants". I knew she would know why I would be saying it. But suddenly, I heard it from his perspective. And I started laughing so hard I couldn't even talk.
Aren't we all glad that Susie is wearing pants???! I know I am.
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