Tax-onomy

Those of you who have been with me for a few seasons, know there are few things which have an immediate effect on my blood pressure than dragging out the yellow file in which small bits of paper have been thrown for the past year. I dread sorting through the piles, deciding which of them will make it to the next stage of doing my 'taxes'. (Or "Take-ses" - depending on which side of the desk you are sitting on).
When this season comes around, I have to gear myself up to get the job done. First I start by throwing some laundry into the washer. Subliminally I hope the drone of the machine will dull the pain of all that counting. If that doesn't help, I stack the dishwasher and clean out the glove compartment. Then I recycle the plastics and making sure all the garbage is emptied. Finally, I decide I can no longer procrastinate, and I drag the folding table into the office, and sit down with the yellow file who will be my constant companion for the next several days. I arm myself with a generous supply of tea, granola bars, gummy bears, hot chocolate, brownies, and other mind-numbing snacks.
Once I am into the job, it doesn't seem quite so bad. I've gotten so that I try to make each year's effort just a little better than last. My newest trick is to put little colorful and cheerful stickers on the desk for the 12 months and put my receipts under them. I made sure they were color-coordinated, although I stopped short of drawing little flowers on them.
When I have my numbers crunched, I call for back up. My husband flies to the rescue. [That is after he has finished another round [or seven] on the video game he is mastering.] He inserts the disc and begins the process of inputting the numbers. He's good at this. This is one of the reasons I will keep him around. While I was observing him, a question arose - how in the world, does the government expect us to keep our numbers straight? There are so many confusing instructions:

'Add line 34 (which is on page 1) to line 79 (which is on page 10 - only they don't tell you that) and subtract the lesser of the sum of lines 58 (on page 3) and 134 (not in the form at all - they just put that in there to see if you were paying attention).'

The program we use, ever so politely tells you when you made a mistake. If I was in charge of this part, there would be many of these messages, but my husband is much more 'tax-savvy' than I, so the warnings are limited.

Once the program indicates you have an 'error', you must find the line with the mistake. This is like hunting for a needle in a haystack. For a while, we think that we had missed our second marriage because it asked us to identify the date of changing our marital status. Then we realize that the "dependant (equivalent to a spouse)" is none other than our daughter - and we could no longer claim her. Once we remove her from the tax form (not our lives) the program allows us to proceed with a very cheerful "Congratulations, you have no more mistakces".

Two (or three) nights later, with a sense of relief, we pack all the files away for another year. And my blood pressure returns to normal. Breathe...just breathe.........