Peeling back the tape

I have been keeping track of something and have been waiting to announce my next celebration. I was going to wait, but it's a little like trying to wait until Christmas to open my gifts. I've waited a long time and I almost can't wait anymore. Can you guess what I am celebrating? I will peel back the first little bit of tape for you. It has to do with a milestone.

I love milestones don't you? There's something about being able to look at that accomplishment and say "Good for me". I believe in saying "Good for me" whenever I can. Good self talk is good for the soul. I am not saying that good self talk is easy. I find it much easier to spend self-comments by saying "Marni, I can't believe you did that. What were you thinking??? Don't you know better?" And I struggle even more with making sure I say celebratory comments to my kids.
I just had a conversation with a friend about this. We were talking about how as parents it is very hard not to micromanage the difficulties we see our kids going through. We get so caught up in trying to rescue them from their childish ways, that we forget to celebrate their accomplishments. We don't celebrate their milestones. When they are babies, we think they are never going to sleep through the night. When they are toddlers, we think they will never be toilet trained. When they are teenagers, we think they will never get the concept that a wet towel dries better on a rack than it does on a floor. And we fuss and hover and wish and worry. Then suddenly we look back, and guess what? We haven't had to get up in the middle of the night for a long time. Or they are going to do their business without us even noticing. Or the teenager comments quietly "I haven't hung the towel on the floor for five days in a row". These are all worth celebrating.
But what do we do? We find another milestone to fuss about. I loved the quote I found last year "Even into middle age, a mother watches her son for signs of improvement". Only because it is so true. Sometimes, I feel like a helicopter. Just hovering. Waiting for disaster to strike. And when it is does, I am armed and dangerous. Look out pal, the mom-commando is descending.

The fact is, we need to accept the kids for who they are and let them develop into who they are going to be. We should be liberal in our praise. "You're terrific". "Well done." "Thanks for picking up your towel off the floor". Even the well-known "I sure love you" isn't heard enough. I need to be reminded of that often. Every day, in fact. [Kids, if you are reading, forgive your old mom for not saying it enough. I really do think you are fab-u=lous.]

Compare your kids to themselves and it is amazing the progress you will see. Compare yourself to yourself. Chances are, you are not working on the same thing you were ten years ago. Even if you are, there have been changes in how you deal with it that you can celebrate!

Anyway, that was a little bit of a rabbit trail. I am still wondering if you know what I am celebrating this weekend??? Are you curious?????