Science Project

I have done a non-scientific study for almost two decades. There are words which tend to shut people's brains off when being asked to join a discussion. Two of these are "best" and "favorite". (Side note: Another one is asking people to recall someone's name...)
If I were to ask you in the middle of a crowd, "What's the best advice you've ever received?" or "What's your favorite song?" I could almost guarantee that all the songs or advice you have stored will disappear down a magic chute in your brain where there's a sign:
"Retrieval of items lost in this chute will not be possible until 2 a.m. tomorrow morning" (funny how you can wake up in the early morning suddenly remembering her name was SUSAN.)

This can be very embarrassing especially, if memory loss is an issue already (as it is with many of the clients with whom I work).

Over time I have come to employ certain strategies to help people through or over these pitfalls.

1. I try to avoid asking discussion questions which use adjectives with loaded values. Instead, I choose neutral phrases such as:"What's a song you enjoy?" or "What is something that makes you happy about summer?"
2. Sometimes I ask "yes" or "no" questions.
3. Or I might get the discussion jump=started by naming my own choices or opinions.

So now, let's try it out.

1. What is a piece (or pieces) of advice you remember?
2. Do people give you lots of advice?
3. Are you stumped? Well, let me start the conversation.

• About School: "Just pass the course". (my Dad who is a teacher used to say this to me when I was panicked about trying to do well at school)
• About Pouring liquid into a jug: "If you tip the jug, it won't splash up at you (significant, because as a late teen, it was a watershed moment for me when I realized there might be some merit in listening to an older person's advice)
• About Decorating: "Choose your theme and colors and then decorate." (from my Mother in Law who had a definite eye for all things Victorian)
• About a toxic person who had wondered aloud whether I had rocks in my head: "Just go up to them tomorrow and say - know the rocks in my head? I took them out....feels a lot better" (from my husband who has always had an innate sense of using humor to deflect pain)

The trick is to not get carried away with all the memories or opinions you as a leader have of the questions. You want the other person to have a chance to answer before the group ends. So...now...it's your turn.