Midlife

Much as I hate to admit it, I have hit "middle age". I still don't really think of myself as a middle-aged woman. Somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I am still a teenager. But when I think about this year and having a daughter graduating from Grade 12, a son who will get his learner's licence, and the other son becoming a teenager, reality hits. And it hits hard. I find myself wondering, how did this all happen so quick? When they were small, people used to say...enjoy them while they are young. I think I tried to, but it is a little like holding onto ice. It melts away in your hand and all you have left is a memory of the ice cube.

I am not depressed about it. I am adjusting. There's a distinct advantage to working in a geriatric setting. You can stay appear to stay young for a VERY long time. Every day, I see people who are in their late eighties to mid-nineties. So from where they sit, I still have over half my life to live.

When I began my job, fifteen years ago, I was 27. (you do the math, mine is bad..). One of the clients told me that he thought I was about 18. At the time, I thought, "well that would mean when I am 40, I will look 27.". How wrong I was.

So the year I turned 39, I was very depressed about approaching the big 4-0. My husband couldn't figure out why I was so upset. When I told him my assumptions, his reply was "oh, you set the bar way too high. You know what my goal for when I turn 40 is? I still want to have some hair...so far I am doing o.k. on that".

I guess it's a trade off. I love being the mom of older children. I'm not really a "little kid" kind of mom. But, I have to admit that when I see a mom pushing a stroller with a little baby in it, something inside goes gooshy and I immediately feel like I am among my peers. That is until I look to my right and see my son who is beginning to pass me in height and whose voice has changed.

"Teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom"...Ps. 90:12